Doctor Anna Svetchnikov, a marriage and family therapist in the US, highlights a common paradox: many couples describe their sex life as very passionate, yet deep down, they live with anxiety and insecurity about their relationship.

A study published in the International Journal of Environment and Public Health in May 2025 confirms this reality. It suggests that sexual satisfaction sometimes stems not from a sense of security, but from emotional instability itself.

Illustrative photo: Corbis

A lifeline in the bedroom

A survey of over 300 women reveals that individuals with "anxious attachment" often report significantly higher levels of sexual arousal and satisfaction compared to those with stable psychology.

For sensitive individuals who constantly fear indifference from their partner, sex becomes a tool for emotional regulation rather than pure ecstasy. When they perceive a fragile emotional connection, physical intimacy offers the quickest way to restore a sense of belonging.

At this point, heightened desire is not necessarily for pleasure, but because sex carries a heavy psychological function: seeking validation that the relationship remains intact. They use intensity in bed to soothe their fear of abandonment.

Distinguishing "intensity" from "intimacy"

According to Doctor Svetchnikov, people often confuse drama with true intimacy. She distinguishes between two different states:

For those with anxious attachment, sex is often possessive, explosive, yet fragile. It relies on maintaining continuous high intensity to compensate for a lack of trust. Without this "medicine", they can easily fall into panic.

Conversely, for those with secure attachment, intimacy unfolds gently and stably. Sex is important to them but is not a life-or-death condition for defining self-worth. A temporary refusal of intimacy from a partner (due to fatigue or busyness) will not lead them to conclude they are disliked or abandoned.

Understanding this distinction is key for each person to decode their own desires. True fulfillment is only sustainable when built on a foundation of inner peace, rather than serving as a pain reliever for prolonged psychological instability.

Nhat Minh (According to Psychology Today)