After 13 years of marriage, Corey from New York says her relationship is in its best state, despite not having had sex for two years.
The Covid-19 pandemic left both of them exhausted and stressed, without the energy for intimacy. But instead of drifting apart, they learned to communicate better, understand each other more deeply, and spend time cuddling and dating.
"Sex isn't the reason we're together, it's a bonus," she says.
Corey's story isn't unique. Increasingly, couples acknowledge that frequent sex is no longer the sole measure of a happy marriage.
Some feel closer after each intimate encounter, while others feel pressured if sex becomes an obligation to fulfill multiple times a week.
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Illustration: NewYorkPost |
Illustration: NewYorkPost
In a study by Carnegie Mellon University, researchers asked a group of couples to double their frequency of sex for a short period.
The results showed this didn't increase happiness. On the contrary, it led to less satisfaction with their sex lives and more negative moods.
This reflects a paradox: while sex can boost intimacy, reduce stress, and enhance relationship satisfaction, forcing or scheduling it can diminish its natural pleasure.
Another study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science indicates that happiness from sex doesn't significantly increase after once a week.
Those who have sex more often don't report higher satisfaction levels than those maintaining a weekly frequency.
One explanation for this "sweet spot" is the lingering effect after intimacy; the feeling of satisfaction and connection can last for hours, even days.
Therefore, one quality sexual encounter can be enough to maintain emotional connection, especially when couples are busy with work, children, or mental health challenges.
Corey and her partner are a testament to this. Despite a long period without sex, their relationship remained deep and strong, thanks to respect, understanding, and maintaining other forms of intimacy like hugging, kissing, walking together, and listening to each other daily.
According to the Family Research Institute, "sexlessness" is increasing among young people. In the 22–34 age group, 24% of men and 13% of women reported no sex in the past year.
This is partly due to later marriages, decreased libido from stress, and evolving definitions of love, where emotional connection and mental support are prioritized over physical intimacy.
American relationship counselor Simone Jobson notes that holiday stress, financial bills, or family tensions can decrease couples' desire. "Most people just need rest and recovery," she says.
The key isn't frequency, but mutual satisfaction, consent, and understanding. Some couples choose a "sex break" to focus on health, mental healing, or simply because their needs have changed, and they remain happy.
The pressure to maintain a frequency of three times a week, once a day, or like the honeymoon phase can lead to exhaustion and even doubts about the relationship's stability.
"There's no magic number for everyone. There's only what's right for you and your partner," says sex therapist Emily Nagoski.
Some couples are intimate daily, others monthly, and both can be sustainable if built on open communication and genuine care.
Corey says after their two-year break, she and her partner have resumed having sex. Not out of guilt or fear of losing their spark, but because they felt ready, and it felt natural and they desired a deeper connection.
"Sex is a great way to connect, but it doesn't have to be the foundation of marriage," she says.
Nhat Minh (According to New York Post/Psychologytoday)
