Dr. Kathy McMahon, an American clinical psychologist, says victim mentality is when a person believes that everything bad that happens is beyond their control and they can't change anything.

This mentality often forms after real trauma in the past, but if prolonged, it causes the person to always blame others, avoid responsibility, and find it difficult to build healthy relationships.

In relationships, people with a victim mentality often constantly blame and refuse to take responsibility. This erodes trust and connection.

McMahon emphasizes that there are real victims, but victim mentality is when someone continues to see themselves as a victim even though the hurt has passed and there is no longer any danger. "It's like a defense mechanism that helps them avoid feelings of helplessness, but it traps them in the role of the perpetually harmed, unable to change the situation," she explains.

"Everyone is against me."

In a 2023 American Psychological Association (APA) survey, 62% of therapists said their patients tended to blame others rather than self-evaluate.

McMahon believes that people with this mentality believe that if a conflict occurs, the fault always lies with others. This view puts them in a position of innocence, denying responsibility and believing the whole world is attacking them.

"If conflict recurs in many different situations, you need to examine your own behavior," she says.

"No one listens to me."

This phrase often appears even when the person with a victim mentality has been listened to. Dr. Kim Sage, a psychologist in California, says the statement negates the efforts of others and prevents dialogue, while also being a way to seek sympathy.

This sentence has the same meaning as "No one understands what I've been through." This is how people with a victim mentality seek sympathy when they realize they may be wrong or the problem is not that they are not being listened to, but that they are not getting what they want.

"Why do bad things only happen to me?"

Sage says people with a victim mentality often don't take responsibility, believing that everything bad is due to external factors. According to a 2024 APA report, 55% of professionals observed that patients tend to blame circumstances rather than acknowledging their personal role in negative events.

Similarly, a 2023 study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) indicated that 60% of people experiencing psychological stress often blame external factors rather than taking responsibility.

"So I must be the bad guy."

This is a way of feigning humility to gain sympathy. According to Sage, the speaker uses this phrase as a tactic, portraying themselves as disadvantaged in an argument to make the other person feel guilty. She explains that this statement puts the listener in a difficult position because if they object, they will be seen as cruel, and if they comfort, they become complicit.

"No matter what I do, nothing changes."

McMahon believes this statement expresses "helplessness accompanied by a bit of despair." It's a way of pretending to give up trying because of the belief that nothing will change, essentially to avoid personal responsibility.

The similar phrase "Why should I try to change when I know I'll fail?" expresses feelings of discouragement and denial of reality. This phrase expresses deep sadness while also being a way for the speaker to relinquish control and accept the current situation without trying to change.

Psychologists say the first step to addressing victim mentality is to clearly identify its signs.

Sage affirms that when a person believes they are in control of their life and responsible for their actions, they will more easily escape victim mentality.

In other words, if you feel you can decide and change something in your life, instead of blaming circumstances or others, you will be less trapped in negative thinking and able to move forward. This is an important step in changing perspectives and improving lives.

Ngoc Ngan (According to Parade)