Brook Urick, 32, a former employee of the popular dating platform SeekingArrangement (USA) and a reformed "sugar baby," has spent the last 5 years supporting women who have been involved in such relationships. In her newly published memoir, she highlights the key difference: sugar babies don't see themselves as sex workers, while society often views them as such.
According to Urick, "sugaring" is a world of manipulation. "Many women think they are being pampered, but they are actually pawns in a game," she writes.
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Illustration: Psychology Today |
Illustration: Psychology Today
Other sugar babies have also spoken out about the reality behind the glamorous facade. Some describe it as a job, requiring them to play the perfect girlfriend to a variety of men, offering both verbal affection and sexual skills. "90% of the job is making them feel like the center of the universe," one woman shared. Maggie said, "They want a hot girl to take to events and have no-strings-attached sex with. I want their money."
But behind this lies the exhaustion of boring dates, men with poor hygiene, and the constant pressure to maintain a smile.
The term "sugar baby" describes individuals (mostly women) who receive gifts, including cash, in exchange for companionship and sexual relations with "sugar daddies," typically older and wealthier men. Some daddies provide a monthly allowance, others pay per date. In some cases, sugar babies rely entirely on spontaneous gifts from their sugar daddies, without any formal agreement.
According to SeekingArrangement, the average sugar daddy is 38 years old with an income of around 250,000 USD, while the average sugar baby is around 25 and receives an average of 2,800 USD per month. This arrangement has become increasingly common in the United States in recent decades, particularly among university students.
Self-esteem is a fragile boundary. Sugar babies don't want to be seen as prostitutes, and sugar daddies don't want to be viewed as engaging in disguised prostitution. Consequently, the culture within this world often avoids transactional language like "buyer" and "seller." However, it's implicitly understood that the sugar baby is in a position of lesser power.
Sociologist Maren Scull (USA) has analyzed these types of relationships. In her 2020 study, 40% of women who had been sugar babies reported not having sex with their providers. The rest did, but many admitted to developing genuine feelings.
Experts suggest that distinguishing "sugaring" from prostitution or a genuine romantic relationship requires a multifaceted perspective. In terms of attachment, prostitution is typically a one-time, quick, and non-repeating exchange of sex, while romantic relationships involve deep connection and lasting emotions. Sugaring falls somewhere in between: it has a transactional element but also involves repetition and a form of companionship, even if genuine feelings aren't always present.
Money and sex are clearly present in sugaring, but not as directly as in prostitution. Some cases can even develop into long-term relationships.
Unlike prostitution, which often involves a third-party broker, sugaring is typically a private arrangement made through online dating platforms or social media, with both parties taking the initiative.
Another difference lies in the frequency. While prostitution usually concludes after payment, sugar daddies tend to want the sugar baby to stay and continue the relationship for months or even years.
Finally, there's a degree of commitment and trust. While not as strong as in genuine love, sugaring still involves some element of this.
Sugaring exists in a gray area – not quite prostitution, but not quite love. Because it isn't as extreme as prostitution, many young women believe they are safe. But experts warn that this very "softness" can be a dangerous trap.
"The safest road to hell is the gradual one – the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts," wrote British author C.S. Lewis.
Many sugar babies don't realize they lack control in the relationship. They are vulnerable to manipulation, abuse, and even scams. The lines between love, money, and sex become increasingly blurred, leaving many hurt without being able to name what's happening.
In reality, many young people have a naive view of "sugaring," making them easy targets for scams or predators. Once they step onto this slippery slope, they can slide down with no way out. Therefore, sugaring can be even more harmful to women and society than traditional prostitution.
Most importantly, sugaring is criticized for blurring ethical boundaries, increasing risks, and obscuring the concept of true love.
Bao Nhien (Psychology Today)
