Yan Diomande celebrates after scoring in the RB Leipzig – Union Berlin match at Red Bull Arena, Leipzig, Germany on 24/4/2026. Photo: Reuters

My dearest Roxane,

Do you remember when someone bought me a fake Man Utd jersey, and I used a black marker to write "Ronaldo 7" on the back myself? Back then, we knew nothing of wealth or poverty. There was only joy.

Do you remember our house in Abidjan, where 25 people crammed together to sleep? Mom wanted to watch soap operas, while everyone else preferred movies. Do you remember how I used to pretend to sleep, then sneak into the living room in the middle of the night? I would turn the TV volume down to just two clicks, sit in the dark watching football, and quietly nurture a dream.

Do you remember when the adults saw me playing football on the dusty field and nicknamed me "Roberto Carlos" for my powerful shots? And do you remember how secretly angry I was then, just because CR7 was my idol?

Do you remember the first time I traveled far from home to play football? I was just 9 years old. It was for Inter Foot Sud Comoe club, right on the border with Ghana. I was just a lonely boy. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my friends and I used to sneak into the village to steal potatoes because we were so hungry.

We staged a "bank robbery" together: two of us distracted the shop owner, and the other 18 rushed in, grabbed two potatoes each, and ran for our lives. They weren't particularly tasty, but the flavor at that moment was amazing! Hahaha. Even now, it's still my favorite dish: boiled potatoes with a little oil. The taste of those old days.

Yan Diomande in his hometown of Abidjan, Ivory Coast, posing with a fake Man Utd jersey. Photo: The Players’ Tribune/Diomande family provided

Do you remember when I got my first proper football boots, and I hugged them to sleep? Since I was small, I always played in those white rubber sandals. Even now, whenever I return home, I still wear those sandals to play football. It's like a tradition for us.

Do you remember every time I came home, you would tell your neighborhood friends: "Why are you skipping practice? Yan can't buy you cars. You have to work hard yourselves." You were only 10 years old then, but you already acted like my agent.

Do you remember us sitting lost in thought, dreaming of one day going to France? We would go shopping together, own our own apartment, and I would become a rich player with cars and mansions, and you wouldn't have to worry about anything. You were the only one who always believed I could become the next Cristiano, even when the whole world around us laughed.

Do you remember when I was 15, and I went to America for high school and was terribly homesick? For months, I didn't understand what people were saying. They sat me next to a French kid, and he tried to translate everything the teachers taught. Do you remember when I called you and said: "You won't believe it, the kids here dare to argue with their teachers"? Back home, we wouldn't even dare to sneak a glance at adults.

Do you remember how shocked I was to see kids in America casually smoking after school? You used to say my stories sounded like I was living in an American TV show.

Do you remember the time they took me for tryouts at Bournemouth? And Chelsea, Rangers, Olympiacos, Crystal Palace too? Eze and Olise even came up to me after a training session and exclaimed: "Hey kid, you play well." Yet, they still didn't sign me.

Yan Diomande (left) in the Sevilla – Leganes match at Ramon Sanchez Pizjuan on 4/5/2025. Photo: L’Equipe

Even the B teams in Major League Soccer (MLS) didn't want me. I didn't understand why. They never gave me a reason. Everything was handled by the adults. They kept taking me all over Europe, and everywhere people shook their heads and said no. My visa expired. The dream ended. They sent me back to Africa, and then we cried together.

But you were still the only one who never lost faith. A few weeks later, I signed with Leganes in Spain, and we cried together again, but those were very different tears.

Those were the old days, when I still had feelings. Now, I feel nothing anymore. It's as if I'm not a human being. Since you passed, I've been empty inside. I don't even think I shed a single tear on the day they told me you were gone. I was simply numb.

It was a few weeks after I made my debut for Leganes. Who gets to play their first match at 18 against Real Madrid? It was truly insane! The dream had come true. And then it suddenly turned into a nightmare. Someone kept calling me from home. I was annoyed. I didn't understand why they kept calling.

Finally, I answered, and they didn't even bother to soften the blow. You know how it is back home. Emotionless and cold. They just said... "Your sister is gone." "What?", I was shocked. "She's dead", they repeated. "What are you talking about?", I asked again. "Someone put something in her drink at a party, and she never woke up. She's gone."

You were only 15 years old. Just 15 years old.

Yan Diomande's sister Roxane in her lifetime. Photo: The Players’ Tribune/Diomande family provided

I never received a satisfactory answer. I don't even know if I truly want to know the reason. Perhaps it was jealousy, envy. Perhaps it's just what often happens in our country. Perhaps I could have protected you. I don't know.

I try to believe in the will of Allah. That's all I can do. I don't try to forget, because I know I never will. All I can do is turn this pain into motivation to strive even harder, to accomplish everything we ever dreamed of.

I write these words because I don't have the courage to say them aloud. I write because I want you to know that I will do everything to keep your memory alive. I will make the whole world know your name. Everything I do on the field is for you.

So much has happened since I last saw you... You wouldn't believe it. I don't even know if I believe it myself. Do you know what's the craziest thing? After my debut against Real, I actually swapped jerseys with Mbappe. Do you remember how we used to watch him on TV, and you would say: "Mbappe? Hmm, he's good. But my brother is better."

But I was wrong about one thing. I no longer want to be rich. I've seen what money does to people, even to family members. When I was at Leganes, I sent all the money I earned back home. To the point where I no longer wanted anything to do with money. It's just a burden. They never stopped asking for money. I guess they thought I was already a millionaire. At that time, I didn't even have an apartment. I lived right at the training center, in a room without a TV. Just football and sleep, football and sleep.

I don't need big houses. I don't need expensive cars. I just want to dedicate my entire mind to football. All to prove to the world that my sister was right.

Yan Diomande in the Ivory Coast vs. Germany group stage match at the 2026 World Cup in Toronto, Canada on 20/6/2026. Photo: Reuters

And there's this, you'll find it amusing. When I transferred to RB Leipzig, I was always late. Well, not really late. I arrived on time, but in Germany, on time means you're already too late. So you know what I did next. I started arriving 90 minutes early for every appointment. I was always so early that my teammates started calling me "The German Guy."

I always have to overdo everything. I never know how to relax. You always told me that. The football field is the only place I still feel at home. It's where I find peace, where I can talk to you. I just wish you were still here so I could tell you... "We did it, everything you ever said came true."

And tomorrow, I'm heading to the World Cup. It's true! Your brother is about to battle in the Ivory Coast jersey, like Drogba, like Yaya, like Gervinho. I don't even see it as a game. I see it as a stage, an opportunity to show the world what you once saw in me. Every time I score, I will ensure that everyone knows your name, that you can never be forgotten.

You always said I could be better than Cristiano. If I meet him there, I'll send him your regards. I will achieve what you predicted, I swear it. Even before I had proper football boots, you went around telling everyone, "My brother will be the greatest player in the world."

I will prove you right, or I will fight until my last breath.

Your brother, Yan.