According to Dr. Caroline Danda, a clinical child psychologist in the United States, this is a normal developmental process as children tend to separate from their families. "Children need to build stronger relationships with peers to gradually become independent", Danda stated.
However, parental reactions also contribute to children's reluctance to open up. Experts highlight common mistakes parents should avoid:
Always seeking to solve problems
When children share difficulties, parents often immediately offer solutions or intervene. Dr. Jeannine Jannot, a child psychologist, noted that children do not always need advice. Regularly reacting this way makes children stop sharing. Instead, parents should ask: "Do you need my help?" or "Do you just want me to listen?"
Talking down to children
Phrases like "When I was your age..." or "This generation is lazy" make children feel judged and believe their parents do not understand them. Parents should ask questions and strive to understand their child's thoughts, rather than rushing to negative judgments.
Blaming social media
Amy McCready, founder of Positive Parenting Solutions, believes automatically attributing all of a child's problems to social media disrupts dialogue. Parents should show curiosity by inviting their child to share more about the situation.
Sharing a child's private matters
Sharing a child's private stories with others or posting them on social media erodes trust. McCready suggests parents recall their own experiences at age 15 and ask themselves if they would have wanted personal information disclosed. Parents need to clearly ask what their child feels comfortable sharing.
Excessive nagging
As academic pressure increases, parents easily shift into a managerial role, constantly reminding children about homework. Dr. Jannot stated this approach makes children feel untrusted. Parents should prioritize connection through positive greetings when seeing their children.
Denying emotions
When children express anxiety, phrases like "You're fine" or "Don't overreact" make them feel dismissed. Instead, parents can say: "I'm sorry you feel that way. Please tell me more." Similarly, checking messages or monitoring actions when children need personal space will make them more secretive.
Punishing honesty
If children know their parents will get angry when they tell the truth, they may turn to friends or artificial intelligence (AI). McCready emphasizes that parents need to create a safe environment. When a child confesses a mistake, parents can acknowledge the honesty and share the difficulty with their child before addressing the inappropriate behavior. This helps children understand that even when they make mistakes, parents remain a safe haven.
By Nhat Minh (Source: Goodhousekeeping)
