"I always thought that when the time was right, marriage would happen, but it didn't," said Calkins, a 56-year-old tech engineer. At 40, he began the process of having children through egg donation. He now lives with his 7-year-old son and almost 2-year-old daughter.

According to Susan Golombok, a psychologist at the University of Cambridge, the concept of "single father by choice" was virtually unheard of before the 2000s. In recent years, the number of men proactively choosing fatherhood, like Charlie Calkins, has been on the rise.

Single father Cenk Bulbul with his daughter, born in 2021 in New York. Bulbul had both of his daughters through surrogacy using donor eggs and his own sperm. Photo: Jackie Molloy

Single father Cenk Bulbul with his daughter, born in 2021 in New York. Bulbul had both of his daughters through surrogacy using donor eggs and his own sperm. Photo: Jackie Molloy

Yan Dekel, community manager for the non-profit organization Men Having Babies (MHB), said that a few years ago, only a handful of single men attended their workshops on childcare and parenting. "Now, these sessions often attract around 50 men. In some cities, they make up a quarter of the total participants," he said.

This trend is attributed to the increasing rate of singlehood, particularly among men. Many men desire to be fathers but haven't found partners. They decide to become single fathers more out of circumstance than choice. "Many struggle with loneliness, financial burdens, and concerns about their masculinity being questioned," said Batya Novick, a therapist in New York.

A Pew Research survey from late 2023 found that 57% of men expressed a desire to become fathers in the future. In contrast, only about 45% of women wanted to become mothers. "People are realizing that fatherhood must go hand in hand with gender equality," said Richard Reeves of the American Institute for Men's Studies.

For many men, fatherhood brings new meaning to life. For Calkins, this desire stemmed from his upbringing in a large and close-knit family, with five siblings and nearly 30 cousins. Raghav Nayar, in New York, found inspiration in a Buddhist story about the unconditional sacrifice of parents. "If I can raise a child to be a good person, I'll be incredibly fulfilled," he said.

However, the journey to single fatherhood isn't easy. In many states, single men cannot adopt or readily access reproductive technologies. Some states prohibit surrogacy, and adoption agencies are often hesitant about single men's applications. The process is complex and expensive, potentially costing hundreds of thousands of USD.

Greg Larson, in New Jersey, began searching for an egg donor and surrogate in 2022 but still doesn't have a child. "If everything goes smoothly, I'll welcome my child on my 46th birthday in 5/2026," Larson shared.

Along this journey, they've also found support. Calkins has four sisters who are always ready to help care for and love his children. Larson has connected with other single fathers through MHB, sharing experiences navigating surrogacy and dating while preparing for fatherhood.

Many acknowledge that if they could find a partner, they wouldn't have chosen this solitary path. But those who have come this far are determined and optimistic because they truly yearn to be fathers. Calkins said that despite the difficulties, this journey brings a sense of agency and empowerment.

"I always believed I was born to be a father, and I'm loving it," the father of two said.

Bao Nhien (The Atlantic)