Tongtong, a graduate of a prestigious university and a mid-level manager, had dated Chen Wei, a US-educated doctor 10 years her senior. Chen Wei had good looks and stable finances. Both families considered him a "dream partner" and encouraged them to marry.

However, the age gap and differing lifestyles caused friction. Tongtong felt neglected, while Chen Wei felt pressured. They consulted relationship counselor Wang Qunqun and were identified as having anxious and avoidant attachment styles respectively – a combination initially attractive but prone to later conflict. They eventually parted ways amicably.

Tongtong's best friend, Xiaohui, had heard a lot about Chen Wei. Knowing her friend's interest, Tongtong played matchmaker. A year later, Tongtong received their wedding invitation. She, too, found a new partner, perhaps not as accomplished as Chen Wei, but one who provided a sense of security.

Young people in China are recommending their exes to their friends to help each other find love. *Image: Jimu News*

In Beijing, 29-year-old Zi Yi did something similar. After seven months of dating without feeling a spark, she broke up with her boyfriend. Still, she thought highly of him and asked her mother to introduce him to someone else.

Tongtong and Zi Yi's stories are just two of thousands reflecting the "recommend your ex" trend. On Xiaohongshu and other Chinese social media platforms, young people are posting "candidate profiles" of their exes, including age, height, personality test results, zodiac sign, strengths and weaknesses, even a "condition rating" (e.g., "8/10, 9/10"), much like selling second-hand goods.

The comments sections have transformed these online spaces into "ex-lover markets." Many believe this method is more reliable than meeting strangers on dating apps, as it offers firsthand insights from someone who has been in a relationship with the person. It helps avoid the risks of misrepresentation, such as pretending to be wealthy or hiding abusive behavior or infidelity.

According to relationship counselor Wang Qunqun, this phenomenon reflects a loss of faith in modern dating. "Young people would rather treat love as a labeled product than gamble on ambiguity after being disappointed by dating apps and other methods," she said.

Many young people support this trend for its transparency and efficiency. Conversely, some oppose it, believing it reduces people to "second-hand goods" and removes romance from the equation.

In a survey conducted by Wang at a dating event, many participants said they had tried blind dates but hadn't found a suitable partner. "If a friend recommends someone they've 'vetted,' they're willing to give it a try. It's seen as a way to escape being single," she explained.

Wang believes recommending an ex involves a triangle of relationships that requires emotional balance and rationality. If all parties can confront the past, honestly assess each other's strengths and weaknesses, and set clear boundaries after the breakup, the transfer of affections can be natural.

"Love isn't a test with rigid criteria. The most valuable aspect is the journey from unfamiliarity to intimacy, from understanding to trust, from conflict to acceptance," Wang concluded.

After their marriage, Chen Wei and Xiaohui sought premarital counseling from Wang Qunqun. The counselor noted that Xiaohui had a secure attachment style, her acceptance a good match for Chen Wei's avoidant tendencies.

Xiaohui believes that going from meeting a stranger to marriage requires significant time and emotional investment. "For us, our social circles are our 'dating resource pools'," she said.

Bao Nhien (*From Jimu News*)