Losing the dream of a large family due to financial pressure

Once dreaming of four children, Virginia Isaad had to abandon this aspiration due to financial and health pressures, accepting the growing trend of having one child.

Virginia grew up in a Latin American immigrant family with four children. She and her siblings were about two years apart in age, so they always had companions. Each time they went to the park, the four children would split into two pairs, ensuring no one was left alone.

As the eldest daughter, Virginia helped her parents care for her younger siblings early on. This experience accustomed her to a caregiving role, shaping her desire to build a large family of her own when she grew up.

However, everything changed when she entered her 30s, met her current husband, and began to establish her career. At this point, Virginia realized that the costs of housing, food, and childcare services in Los Angeles, California, were too high, making raising four children far beyond their financial means.

By the time they married and were ready to become parents, both were nearly 40 years old. Concerned about reproductive risks, they reduced their goal from four children to two, hoping for one boy and one girl. It took nearly two years for Virginia to become pregnant.

After their child was born, the couple constantly lacked sleep and had to take turns with childcare. "Raising one child is a 24-hour-a-day job", she said.

Afterward, she lost her job and became a stay-at-home parent. On days her husband worked, Virginia had to care for their child alone for 12 hours. Although relatives occasionally provided support, she remained the primary caregiver. Imagining herself breastfeeding an infant while simultaneously keeping an eye on an energetic older son, Virginia realized she could not manage if they had more children.

When their son was 16 months old, the couple agreed to stop at one child.

Virginia viewed this choice as practical, but she still regretted her dream of a bustling family. She worried her child might lack companionship, face difficulties in social interaction, or bear the sole burden of caring for elderly parents.

In reality, many people also have to abandon their desired family size. The 2025 State of World Population report by the United Nations Population Fund (UNFPA) indicates that nearly 20% of people of reproductive age anticipate not achieving their intended number of children. Financial difficulties are the largest barrier (39%), followed by unstable employment (21%), expensive housing (19%), and a lack of childcare services (12%).

In the US, the cost of childcare for one child ranges from 7,600 to 24,000 USD per year, depending on the state. In most states, the cost of caring for two children exceeds the average rent or mortgage payment. To avoid simultaneous financial strain, many parents wait until their first child starts school before having another. However, women who give birth in their late 30s risk reduced fertility if they continue to delay.

Parents of one child often face pressure from the notion that only children are prone to loneliness or selfishness. However, Professor Toni Falbo at the University of Texas at Austin (US) compiled over 100 studies and found no significant differences in personality or social skills between children with and without siblings.

For Virginia, scientific studies did not alleviate her sadness. She affirmed that she does not regret becoming a mother, nor does she wish to experience another pregnancy and the exhaustion of caring for an infant. Her only regret is that her dream of a family of four children will forever remain just that—a dream.

"We chose a life that aligns with our financial capacity so we can provide the best care for our child", she said.