For decades, leaving home at 18 was a "declaration of independence" for American men. This milestone is now fading, with "trad son" becoming a trending social media term for adult men who return to or never leave their childhood homes. A Pew Research Center survey highlights this shift: in 1970, only 8% of American men aged 25-34 lived with their parents. By 2023, this figure surged to 18%. Vallejo, California, exemplifies this trend, with a 33% rate, the highest in the US.

Jorge, a 30-year-old personal trainer, lives in Vallejo with his sister and parents. *Photo: Arielle Domb/The Guardian*

Jorge, a 30-year-old personal trainer of Mexican descent in Vallejo, embodies this trend. He calls living with his parents a "blessing," having returned after college due to missing family and fearing external insecurity. "My definition of home is family. I want to protect them," Jorge stated, adding he plans to stay until marriage and hopes to have his parents live with him in the future.

Beyond individual choice, cultural and economic factors significantly contribute to the "trad son" phenomenon. For Asian and Latin American communities in Vallejo, the "three generations under one roof" model is a cultural norm, not just an economic solution. Edward, a 28-year-old Filipino-American bartender, notes "hiya" in his culture, signifying self-sacrifice and elder care. However, this filial piety can infringe on privacy; Edward was frustrated when his mother used his social media to find him matches. "I cannot be happy if I keep living according to others' choices," Edward admitted, planning to move out for independence. Economically, Edward's nearly 3,000 USD monthly salary is insufficient to cover the Bay Area's expensive rent, highlighting a major driver for "trad sons."

This dependency often stifles romantic lives. A survey in Vallejo found 9 out of 10 men living with family were single. Many American women view an adult man living with parents as a "red flag," signaling a lack of independence. Private space is a luxury, making inviting a girlfriend home difficult with parents present. Christopher, a welding apprentice, stopped dating to focus on his career. He explains, "Women today expect men to be providers, with their own cars and homes. Living with parents makes us lose points entirely in their eyes." Psychology professor Jeffrey Jensen Arnett attributes this prolonged "emerging adulthood" phase (ages 18-25) to job insecurity.

Daniel (left) and friends often gather in the family garage to ensure safety. *Photo: Arielle Domb/The Guardian*

Beyond dating challenges, safety concerns also keep young adults in their childhood homes. Vallejo's high crime rates make individuals like Daniel, 25, hesitant to broaden their social circles. "If meeting a stranger, my friends and I send each other our locations because we can't trust someone whose family we don't know well," Daniel shared. Having experienced personal loss due to gun violence, Daniel views the outside world as risky. His mother supports his choice, stating, "I don't care what they do, as long as they are home and I know they are safe."

Despite mixed societal perceptions, this trend provides peace of mind for some. Kimani Cochran, 31, an actor, returned to his foster parents' home after struggling in Los Angeles. For Cochran, living in a stable family after a difficult childhood was most important. "This isn't a failure. This is the first time I've felt what 'home' truly means," he said.

Minh Phuong (Source: The Guardian)