Hang's "marital revolution" began after her youngest daughter got married. "I felt like my term was over, my responsibilities to my husband and children fulfilled," the 60-year-old former director of a Hanoi garment company said.

After the wedding, she called a family meeting and declared her intention to live for herself. Her husband, Hoang Van Tien, was initially surprised. But on reflection, he admitted they no longer needed to be tied to each other. He agreed to sell their old house, using the money to buy two adjacent villas.

Their lives diverged. Hang pursued her passions for swimming and singing, put aside during her younger years due to the demands of raising three children and caring for her husband. She also traveled with friends. Meanwhile, next door, Tien enjoyed his own space, friends, and hobbies. He used his pension to hire a housekeeper for cooking and cleaning.

They still texted each other about shared events and occasionally bought gifts after trips. But they kept their finances and belongings separate. "We live freely, with no need for divorce," Hang said.

Senior citizens exercise in the morning by Hoan Kiem Lake, Hanoi. Photo: Ngoc Thanh

Senior citizens exercise in the morning by Hoan Kiem Lake, Hanoi. Photo: Ngoc Thanh

Dr. Nguyen Thi Minh, a researcher on modern family trends at the Regional Political Academy II, said separated couples in Vietnam fall into two groups: those who separate due to impasse and lack of skills, and those who have "reached an understanding of human nature" and accept their partner's different needs, like Hang and Tien. This latter group is typically over 45. "They maintain a connection at the level of social responsibility, but no longer have an emotional connection," Minh said.

Several factors contribute to this phenomenon. Vietnamese women are increasingly financially independent, have a greater voice in the family, and are less reliant on their husbands. When their children grow up, they feel they have "completed their mission" and want to live for themselves.

Increased life expectancy also plays a role. The post-childrearing phase is now longer, raising questions about the quality of life in the last 20-30 years if the marriage is unhappy.

But most importantly, according to experts, is the changing perception of marriage. Marriage is no longer seen as a lifelong responsibility at all costs, but rather as a partnership. When the partnership no longer works, people seek other solutions instead of enduring it.

In her research on changing marital values in Vietnam, Dr. Pham Thi Thuy from the Electric Power University also noted the rise of "independent marriages," where couples live separately for personal space.

Hoang Anh Tu, administrator of a marriage forum with 180,000 members, said women often initiate this lifestyle. "It's when the children are grown, the financial burden has eased, and they start thinking about themselves," he said.

These "expired marriages" take various forms.

For 62-year-old Nguyen Quoc Cuong and his wife, it's geographical separation. Upon retirement, he wanted to return to his hometown of Nghe An to live near his elderly mother, while his wife was accustomed to city life in Ho Chi Minh City. They decided to live where they each preferred, visiting each other occasionally.

For Tran Thi Thao, 50, from Nam Dinh, it's a separation in their intimate life. No longer desiring physical intimacy while her husband still did, she felt guilty for "not fulfilling her wifely duties." She suggested he seek satisfaction elsewhere, discreetly and without dishonoring the family. "After that decision, I felt liberated, with time to focus on myself instead of feeling suffocated," she said.

Dr. Minh believes many choose this arrangement over divorce to avoid procedural hassles and pressure from social circles. For older couples, marriage defines relationships and social standing within the family. Divorce can complicate asset division and inheritance. Living as marital partners becomes a peaceful solution, preserving the family's facade while liberating its core.

Experts acknowledge this model is controversial. "From a traditional perspective, it's a deviation. But in reality, it's a social phenomenon," Minh said.

She believes if this trend grows in a civilized manner, it could be seen as progress, showing society's acceptance of diverse family models.

However, this choice is not without regret. Hoang Anh Tu shared that many women on his forum express sadness about living independently within marriage. "They mourn the ideal of a life with a companion, a partner until the end. Only those who truly saw marriage as a duty, now completed, feel no sadness," he said.

Quoc Cuong initially enjoyed life back home with his mother and childhood friends. But deep down, he missed having someone to talk to each evening. "I've invited her back many times, but she doesn't want to come, and I don't want to leave," he said.

This regret also lingers within Thu Hang. She admits to sometimes longing for companionship in her old age. However, she and her husband couldn't find common ground. Since living apart, they no longer argue.

In her drawer, Hang keeps a signed divorce paper. She instructed her children to place it beside her when she dies. "So that in the next life, and the next," she said, "we won't meet again, living a married life like that."

*Names have been changed.

Pham Nga