Doctor Nicole McNichols, a professor of sexology at the University of Washington (US), states that proactively scheduling intimacy has a positive effect on couples who have been living together for many years.
Many people believe that intimacy should occur spontaneously. The idea of scheduling intimate moments is often seen as unromantic or a sign of relationship trouble. However, waiting for natural inspiration can cause couples to miss many opportunities for closeness.
"Especially for women, desire often emerges after emotional connection or intimate contact begins. Scheduling helps couples prioritize their emotional life amidst busy work and family responsibilities", Doctor McNichols says.
Similar to planning workouts or social gatherings, intimacy also needs to be scheduled to be maintained long-term. Couples with an active intimate life often proactively create dedicated time, minimize distractions, and mentally prepare to shift from daily pressures to a state of connection.
According to the expert, scheduling does not imply obligation. The goal is to create opportunities for closeness, not to turn intimacy into a chore.
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Illustrative photo:Glamour.com |
Having dedicated time together also fosters a sense of anticipation. Doctor McNichols refers to small changes, such as altering the time of day or a familiar setting, as "micro-innovations": For example: instead of the bedroom, meet at a hotel on the weekend; change the time from night to morning. These elements are sufficient to break the monotony in a couple's life.
Doctor McNichols notes that the first thing to disappear in many marriages is not intimacy itself, but daily intimate contact. Hand-holding, hugs upon returning home, or a kiss before work often become less frequent as both partners get caught up in work and childcare. Simple gestures of affection help reinforce a sense of security and increase emotional connection.
Furthermore, other studies indicate that couples who share household chores equitably tend to be more satisfied with their intimate life. When one partner bears the majority of family responsibilities, fatigue and resentment can easily arise, leading to a decline in desire.
Nhat Minh (According to Psychology Today)
