James considered himself the perfect boyfriend: high-earning, easygoing, and fond of gaming, movies, and having fun. "I couldn't believe I was being dumped," he said.
Emma had made the reservation and asked him to be on time. But James, engrossed in a gaming session with friends until 2 a.m., forgot. This was the third time he had missed an important plan, infuriating Emma.
"You're like a 15-year-old in a grown man's body. I'm tired of playing the mother role," Emma said, before leaving with her suitcase.
Her words were a wake-up call. Sitting stunned in his messy apartment, surrounded by dirty dishes, laundry, and overdue bills, James realized Emma had handled everything from dentist appointments and rent payments to planning their outings. "I thought I was living a carefree life, but in reality, I was just lazy, irresponsible, and dependent," he admitted.
James exemplifies the "manchild," a term for men who avoid responsibility through procrastination, avoidance, or feigned ignorance. They often excuse themselves by claiming they're not good at organizing or that their partner is better at it, shifting the burden onto others.
This male archetype has become a topic of widespread discussion, especially after singer Sabrina Carpenter released her song "Manchild" last summer. The lyrics humorously criticize grown men who act like children.
Dr. Bonnie Scott at Mindful Kindness Counseling (US) says men feigning ignorance is common, particularly with housework. They may be adults chronologically, but they're not ready for responsibility, leaving their partners and children to deal with the consequences.
A study by Verywell Mind (US) found that men often avoid family responsibilities, causing relationship stress and impacting both partners' mental health. Men are less likely than women to seek family therapy, with only about 17% compared to 28.5%, according to the US CDC.
The root of the manchild problem lies in the habit of shirking responsibility and hiding to protect themselves.
Thomas Westerholtz, 40, admits he assumed his partner would handle household tasks, from managing emotions and birthdays to school paperwork and noticing their children's problems. He wasn't actively avoiding these duties, but he wasn't taking them on either, leaving his partner exhausted and feeling alone.
The turning point came when his son was diagnosed with a rare disease, forcing Westerholtz to confront his neglected responsibilities. He realized that simply working and being present without engaging with his family's emotional needs was insufficient, and continuing his old habits would have serious consequences.
Reena B. Patel, executive director of AutiZm & More, which provides educational strategies for children and families, suggests the first step toward change is actively participating in managing shared life, such as proposing weekly schedules, to ensure responsibilities are fulfilled without relying on others.
Letting go of his ego was Westerholtz's first challenge. Initially, he felt useless and struggled to accept vulnerability, a trait often not cultivated in men. He learned not to rush to fix problems, but to accept his own and others' pain and turmoil.
Now, Westerholtz reviews tasks with his wife weekly and uses a shared calendar with reminders for things like packing lunches and doctor's appointments. Making the schedule public meant taking responsibility.
These changes improved their relationship, reduced resentment, and increased care, freeing his partner from the mother role and creating space for partnership.
Westerholtz's son is learning to be a man who feels, apologizes, and cares for others.
Patel notes that children benefit when their fathers are emotionally mature. They become role models of respect, empathy, and resilience that children carry into adulthood. Simultaneously, partners feel supported, less stressed, and freer when not caring for another adult.
Ngoc Ngan (According to HuffPost)
