American psychologists refer to this as "monkey barring" or "monkey branching," drawing a parallel to how monkeys only release one branch after securely grasping another. In Vietnamese, this is called "bat ca hai tay" (literally, "catching two fish with both hands").
Psychological studies suggest that those who "two-time" do so out of a fear of loneliness, only leaving their current partner when a new one is secured.
According to a survey by the dating site eHarmony, 44% of participants admitted to monkey branching or considering it. A University of Texas, Austin study, published in the Journal of Social Psychology, found that individuals anxious about abandonment or loneliness are more likely to engage in this behavior.
A survey by the American Relationship Research Institute indicates that 70% of people end relationships by discreetly seeking new partners. They feel pressured to maintain their current relationship due to a fear of emptiness and loneliness.
Statistics from the Pew Research Center in Washington, D.C., reveal that approximately 30% of young adults aged 18-34 have ended a relationship to immediately begin another.
Experts consider this a form of covert betrayal. Angelika Koch, a relationship coach at Taimi (USA), explains that monkey barring stems from emotional dependency and can be considered a form of deception. These individuals often lack emotional maturity, driven by fear to avoid the pain of a previous relationship's end. Others enjoy the thrill, feeling secure and not alone. Koch emphasizes that jumping from one person to another doesn't allow for personal growth and self-understanding, essential elements for any successful relationship.
Therapist Leanna Stockard at the University of New Hampshire (USA) suggests another reason: those who "two-time" are primarily driven by the allure of novelty.
According to research from Ex Boyfriend Recovery, one reason for recurring monkey branching is an "addiction" to the honeymoon phase's excitement. As the initial euphoria fades and the relationship requires deeper commitment, these individuals tend to discreetly seek a new "branch" to maintain the thrill and infatuation.
Dr. Jeremy Nicholson, a social psychologist at Portland State University (USA), notes that unresolved core issues like low self-esteem and fear of abandonment perpetuate this cycle.
The consequences of this behavior affect both sides. The person being "left" faces feelings of betrayal, self-doubt, and difficulty trusting in future relationships.
Meanwhile, the person engaging in monkey branching often experiences guilt and emptiness but repeats the cycle due to unresolved root issues. Therefore, experts recommend individual or couples therapy to build healthier relationship skills, acknowledge responsibility, and establish clear boundaries.
Ngoc Ngan (NY Post)
