An unfinished relationship tends to linger in a man's mind longer than one that has reached its conclusion, according to Maria Luciani, a social psychology researcher at the University of California, Berkeley, United States.

Experts explain this phenomenon through the "Zeigarnik effect"—a cognitive tendency where individuals remember interrupted tasks more clearly than completed ones. A relationship that never truly starts creates an open loop in the brain, causing men to constantly think about potential scenarios that could have unfolded.

This phenomenon is also linked to "relationship or sexual nostalgia," as Luciani describes it. The brain, rather than accurately recalling events, often replays a filtered, more idealized version of the past, a concept known as "rosy retrospection."

Illustration: Themodernman.

For many men, these memories persist for years. Ciaran, 37, from the United Kingdom, shared that despite being married, he thinks about a former partner almost every day, a habit spanning two decades. Similarly, Oscar, 45, admitted to thinking about an old flame every hour at certain times.

Alex, 35, frequently recalls two women: one he dated and one he never did. He explained that these individuals represent peaceful periods in his life. "Thinking about those you've missed can evoke a sense of peace, even if only for a moment", Alex said.

While nostalgia can offer positive benefits, it is crucial to manage its impact. Luciani notes that "nostalgia helps individuals reflect on personal growth. However, if people dwell too much on past relationships, it can hinder their ability to adapt to current circumstances."

A study titled "Dear Old Love," conducted by the University of Kansas, United States, and published in the European Journal of Social Psychology, found that nostalgia can have positive effects. Through three experiments, the researchers concluded that reminiscing increases the perceived quality of love and boosts motivation to nurture current relationships.

However, sex and relationship expert Gigi Engle warns that problems arise when nostalgia transforms into obsession. "It's normal to remember someone, but if obsession affects your current relationship or leads to comparisons with a former partner, that's a sign that needs to be addressed", Engle advised.

Sometimes, regret stems from personal mistakes. Ahaan, 23, recounted how he cheated on his university girlfriend and later watched her build a new life. "The worst part is knowing she didn't leave on her own. I lost her", he shared.