Doctor of Medicine, Specialist Level 2, Tra Anh Duy, from Men's Health Center, states that conflict is unavoidable in marriage. Many couples turn to sex after a disagreement as an instinctive reaction to soothe emotions, but the effectiveness and risks of this behavior depend on various factors.
Why does sexual desire often arise after conflict?
After an argument, the body is often stressed, the heart races, and adrenaline increases, causing a surge in the need for physical closeness as an emotional balancing mechanism. A study in the Journal of Sex Research noted that 37% of couples have experienced "reconciliation sex," with most describing the experience as more intense than usual.
Hormones and neurotransmitters also contribute to feelings of connection. Cortisol increases during stress, while oxytocin, released during sex, helps strengthen bonding. Dopamine creates pleasure, acting as a "reward" for the brain. Research in Biological Psychology recorded that oxytocin levels in individuals who had sex after an argument were 20% higher, explaining why they felt it was easier to reconcile.
Short-term benefits of "reconciliation sex"
Sex after a conflict can help de-escalate tension quickly, transforming anger into satisfaction while enhancing emotional connection due to oxytocin release. It can also reaffirm mutual attraction, signaling that the relationship is not broken, and relieve stress, acting as a physical exercise for the body.
According to Evolutionary Psychology, 25% of couples believe this method helps them reconcile more easily, especially among those under 40 years old.
Potential risks of misuse
If misused, "reconciliation sex" can lead to several consequences. Having sex immediately after an argument sometimes only conceals the true conflict, leaving the root issue unresolved and prone to recurrence. In some cases, sex becomes a tool for coercion or control over a partner, especially when one person is not truly ready or has not forgiven, leading to long-term psychological damage. Couples who frequently have sex after severe conflicts can easily fall into a cycle of tension, reconciliation, and then renewed tension.
A study by Makepeace and colleagues in the Journal of Interpersonal Violence shows that 42% of couples experiencing physical violence also had sex immediately after conflict, but many described this behavior as coercive, not voluntary.
Social and cultural factors
In Vietnamese society, many couples are hesitant to engage in direct dialogue, choosing silence or using sex for a "quick fix." East Asian culture often views physical intimacy as proof that affection has not broken down. However, if relied upon solely, deep-seated conflicts can be masked, potentially leading to relationship breakdown in the long run.
Psychological experts confirm that sex after an argument can be positive if it occurs voluntarily and when the conflict is minor. If it becomes a tool for control, it causes both physical and emotional harm.
Doctor Duy believes that sex after an argument can provide a short-term sense of connection due to the effects of hormones and strong emotions, but it cannot replace sharing, understanding, and respect in a marriage.
"Reconciliation sex" should only be a supplementary part of the reconciliation process, not the sole solution. For a lasting relationship, couples still need to communicate and address conflicts at their root.
Le Phuong
