American psychological research has identified 5 shared mindsets among parents of high-achieving students.

Avoid criticism. "Why did I give birth to a child like you?", "Have you lost your mind?", "Look at other people's children." These seemingly harmless remarks can sow seeds of self-doubt and resentment in children.

Many parents impose adult standards on their children, becoming angry when their children work slowly or make mistakes. Psychologists warn that nagging and scolding can destroy a child's enthusiasm for learning, leading them to believe they are truly incompetent. This is the phenomenon of "learned helplessness."

In 1967, American psychologist Martin Seligman conducted an experiment in which a dog was confined to a cage and subjected to electric shocks whenever a buzzer sounded. After repeated instances, even when the cage door was opened, the dog didn't attempt to escape but remained whimpering, accepting the shocks. This state of hopeless resignation is "learned helplessness."

Most struggling students are victims of this effect. They lose interest in learning due to constant criticism and negative feedback from adults.

Illustrative photo: CNA

Encourage independence. Many parents lament that their 7- or 8-year-old children lack self-motivation in their studies. If parents are still tying their children's shoelaces in elementary school, how can children develop a sense of ownership over their learning? Clearly, such actions inadvertently deprive children of their independence.

These children become passive learners because they haven't developed independent skills early on. Parental scolding for slow learning further hinders their concentration. Children who struggle with simple tasks will find it difficult to focus in 40-minute classes, complete assignments, and overcome challenging problems.

Therefore, allow children to develop independence. Start with small tasks like fostering self-reliance before school age and letting them handle their homework independently.

Avoid labeling. Negative labeling, suggesting a child lacks aptitude or is inherently "behind," reflects a fixed mindset. This mindset leads children to attribute failure to inherent flaws, discouraging them from taking on challenges. In contrast, successful students often have a growth mindset, viewing failure as a learning experience and challenges as opportunities.

American basketball legend Michael Jordan was once cut from his high school team due to his perceived "lack of height and skill." However, thanks to his mother's encouragement, he worked tirelessly to prove them wrong, becoming a global basketball icon.

Academic success depends not only on ability but also on attitude. Many children aren't inherently incapable but believe they are. This negative self-perception often stems from their parents.

Psychology professor Carol Dweck (USA) advises parents to praise their children's effort rather than their intelligence. Children praised for intelligence may fear failure as proof of their lack thereof. Conversely, children praised for effort view failure as motivation to persevere.

Foster responsibility. To raise responsible children, avoid excessive leniency and teach self-control. The ability to delay gratification and exercise self-control is crucial for personal development. If children can't resist eating a single candy, how can they withstand future challenges?

In the 1960s, American psychologists at Stanford University conducted the "marshmallow experiment." They gave children the choice of eating one marshmallow immediately or waiting to receive two. Results showed that children who waited longer tended to have higher SAT scores and greater life achievements. 40 years later, Susan Wojcicki, the girl who exhibited the most patience in the experiment, became the CEO of YouTube.

Stay involved. One of the biggest parental mistakes is neglecting or showing indifference towards their children, leaving their development to chance. This misguided approach stems from a fixed mindset, believing a child's achievements are predetermined and initial struggles signal a lack of hope.

In reality, both attitude and ability contribute to a child's academic success. Sometimes, simply believing in a child's potential can lead to significant improvement, as demonstrated by American psychologist Robert Rosenthal's 1968 experiment.

This experiment, conducted in an elementary school, involved randomly selecting a list of students and telling teachers they were "the most promising students." 8 months later, these students showed remarkable progress. Researchers believe the teachers' heightened expectations and attention boosted the students' confidence and motivation, leading to better learning outcomes. This is known as the "Rosenthal effect" (the power of expectation).

Remember, the best gift you can give your children is to become a better parent.

Bao Nhien (Theo Aboluowang)