Toxic independence is a state where an individual consistently tries to handle everything on their own, even when overwhelmed, while actively avoiding support from others. On the surface, they may appear strong and self-sufficient, but in reality, they are isolating themselves from relationships and resources essential for mental well-being.

While not a formal diagnosis in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), this phenomenon is recognized by experts for its long-term consequences.

Doctor Yasmine Saad, Director of Madison Park Psychological Services in New York, US, clearly distinguishes between the two: Healthy independence involves proactively taking care of oneself while remaining open to receiving support when needed. Conversely, toxic independence prioritizes the ego and rejects all forms of assistance.

From a clinical perspective, Elizabeth Winkler, a marriage and family therapist in Beverly Hills, California, US, suggests this tendency often originates from early experiences where seeking help was associated with feelings of insecurity or disappointment.

Over-reliance on oneself then becomes a coping mechanism, pushing vulnerability outside one's comfort zone and gradually fostering a habit of self-isolation. In many cases, this state also emerges later as a defense mechanism following relational trauma, when individuals choose isolation to feel safer. Winkler outlines several typical signs of toxic independence:

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Never asking for help

Individuals with this tendency view their ability to cope independently as a measure of their self-worth. From minor workplace incidents to major life events such as job loss or bereavement, they shoulder all burdens alone.

According to therapist Elizabeth Winkler, these individuals feel uncomfortable even at the thought of asking for assistance. This puts them at risk of stress, depression, and burnout, as they reject the most important stress-relieving "medicine": sharing.

A report by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) in the US indicates that feelings of loneliness and a lack of social support are closely linked to chronic stress, depression, and anxiety, particularly among those with fewer connections.

Viewing dependence as weakness

They often underestimate those who frequently rely on partners or colleagues. For them, revealing vulnerability is shameful rather than a natural part of human connection. This mindset leads them to maintain distance, making it difficult to open up even to their spouse.

Distrusting others

In team settings, individuals with toxic independence believe that "if you want it done well, you must do it yourself." Doctor Saad explains that they fear if they do not maintain complete control, things will fall apart or they will be betrayed. This extreme need for control prevents them from delegating tasks, leading to overload.

Always in a defensive state

Instead of feeling secure, they act based on a fear of risk. Even when exhausted, they strive to maintain an image of self-reliance to protect themselves. Elizabeth Winkler suggests this habit often stems from past traumas, where asking for help previously led to feelings of insecurity or disappointment.

How to escape the 'independence' trap

To change, you need to view receiving help more realistically: Sharing responsibility improves work efficiency and reduces stress.

Doctor Saad advises starting with small, low-pressure actions, such as accepting a lunch invitation or receiving a gift without feeling indebted. "When you learn to control less, you still maintain your autonomy but will live lighter and more connected," she states.

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