In 2007, at the age of 56, Deborah Santana decided to end her marriage to Grammy-winning guitarist Carlos Santana.

During 34 years of marriage, Deborah spent most of her time supporting her husband's career and raising three children. In her later years, she realized that life was unfulfilling. "I spent too many years promoting my husband's career and neglected my own passions," said Deborah, a 75-year-old social activist and former vice president of Santana Management in Los Angeles.

When she divorced, she said that although she knew there would be times of loneliness, she still believed it was the right choice.

Deborah divorced her husband at the age of 56. Photo: Michael Collopy

According to research by The New York Times, nearly 40% of divorces in the US currently involve couples over 50. After decades of increasing, the "gray divorce" trend slowed slightly after the pandemic but remains high.

Divorce attorney Nicole Sodoma states that many people from the Baby Boomer generation (1946-1964) and Gen X (1965-1980) do not want to spend their remaining 20-30 years in an unhappy marriage.

Deborah believes women of her generation were raised to prioritize marriage over themselves. She hopes this changes. "I want young girls not to be afraid to step out of their comfort zones. Marriage is no longer a requirement," she said.

Deborah remarried in 2015, but her second marriage also ended after four years. That experience helped her realize that single and independent life truly suited her.

According to attorney Nicole Sodoma, "gray divorce" is flourishing as women redefine the latter half of their lives. Financial independence, longer lifespans, and shifts in social culture offer them more options than previous generations.

"However, middle-aged divorces rarely happen suddenly. They are often the result of years, even decades, of unmet needs, growing distance, or a shared life that resembles two roommates," she said.

Clinical psychologist Navvab Tadjvar in Beverly Hills also observes that divorce is increasingly seen as a rebirth rather than a failure.

"Marriage today no longer carries the symbolic meaning it once did. Societal changes make separation less stigmatized and prioritizing oneself more readily accepted," he said.

Elaine Goodzen, 66, in California, clearly remembers the moment that led her to end her 22-year marriage.

Once, after driving home, she had to be rushed to the emergency room with suspected heart pain. She called her husband, asking him to drive about 90 minutes home to look after their 12-year-old son in case she had to stay overnight. He refused.

"If I were him, nothing would stop me from driving an hour and a half to be with my husband and child," she said. Immediately after, Goodzen filed for divorce.

The legal battle lasted three years, but when she officially moved out of the old house, the strongest feeling she had was freedom.

Nhat Minh (The New York Times)