According to Professor Aaron Ben-Ze'ev of the University of Haifa, Israel, forbidden love encompasses emotions, illusions, or romantic relationships that transgress social and personal norms. Several factors contribute to the allure of such connections.
Incompleteness
The appeal of forbidden love often lies in its incompleteness. Research by Professor Ben-Ze'ev in 2019 indicated that unfulfilled experiences often feel more vivid than those that have concluded. A forbidden relationship captivates with its potential and what remains unexplored, rather than its established reality. Individuals involved in these relationships are less likely to confront the daily concerns typical of a long-term commitment.
Power of imagination
Imagination significantly amplifies the emotional world beyond one's current reality. While real-life partners invariably come with flaws, obligations, and conflicts, an imagined lover rarely does. This idealization of possibilities in one's mind often renders reality mundane by comparison.
Sense of deep meaning
A profound sense of meaning can also draw individuals into forbidden relationships. One woman shared about her married lover, "Without him, life would lose all meaning. It was only after meeting him that I understood my purpose in this world." The inherent difficulties, sacrifices, and emotional investment lead participants to believe their relationship holds unique value. The effort expended to sustain such a connection becomes proof of its significance. Research by American expert Birnbaum and colleagues in 2020 indicated that individuals tend to value potential partners more when greater effort is required to win them over.
 |
Illustrative photo: AI |
Novelty and limited commitment
Forbidden love also offers the thrill of novelty without the complexities of building a shared life. The excitement of something new sparks curiosity, while limited commitment reduces the practical burdens often associated with established relationships.
To navigate temptation, Professor Aaron Ben-Ze'ev advises individuals to establish clear boundaries and simultaneously strengthen intimacy and commitment within their existing relationships. Nurturing a fulfilling relationship proves more effective than constantly imposing restrictions.
Human imperfection means rules cannot eliminate it entirely. There is a distinction between breaking boundaries and merely loosening them. An individual can experience temptation without acting on it, fantasize without betraying, or make a mistake without becoming inherently unfaithful.
Contrary to the belief that "once a cheater, always a cheater," individuals possess the capacity for learning and self-correction. What truly matters is not solely the boundary crossed, but the meaning of that behavior within the context of the relationship.
However, Professor Ben-Ze'ev cautions that not all transgressions are minor. Infidelity, deception, or betrayal can inflict deep emotional wounds. Flexibility should not serve as an excuse for selfishness. Research by H. Coleen Sinclair and colleagues in 2015 also highlighted that people tend to desire something more intensely when its ownership is restricted.
The challenge in love is not about eliminating temptation entirely, but rather about safeguarding what is most important and acknowledging human imperfection.
Nhat Minh (According to Psychology Today)
