Every morning, as Kami Walker, a resident of Long Island, New York, is busy preparing her children for school, she receives a text message from her mother. Like clockwork, her mother asks, "It's cold today, are the grandchildren dressed warmly enough?"

Despite living 30 km from her daughter's home, the grandmother knows the schedules of her two grandchildren, Lulu, 12, and Nico, 14, intimately. She actively consults with the pediatrician after each check-up and orders clothes to be sent directly to the Walker household. Rather than finding it bothersome, Walker views it positively, stating, "I feel like my mother is raising the children alongside me."

Illustration: NY Post

In America, the trend of grandparents becoming deeply involved in childcare and closely monitoring their grandchildren's lives is increasingly popular, leading to the emergence of the term "helicopter grandparents". This concept describes individuals who constantly "hover" over their grandchildren, overseeing school schedules, daily activities, and decisions, similar to the earlier concept of "helicopter parents".

Peter Shankman in Manhattan also has such a mother. When his daughter, Jessa, was young, whenever he brought her to visit, her grandparents would open the door, welcome their grandchild inside, and then close the door, leaving him outside.

"The messages I received from my mother were mainly reminders to put a hat on Jessa", Peter recounted. Though he sometimes felt "left out", he did not complain, understanding that it was the grandparents' way of showing love. "I know my parents love me, but most of their attention is now focused on their grandchild", he said.

The line between care and control, however, is very thin. Doctor Dale Atkins, a psychologist, suggests that the term "helicopter grandparents" often carries negative connotations when grandparents want to have the final say or intervene too deeply in a child's education, school choice, or health.

"The role of grandparents is to support parents' choices, not to seek another opportunity to be parents themselves", Atkins emphasized. She recommends that older adults acknowledge they might not be updated on modern parenting methods, rather than hastily criticizing their children.

Nonetheless, for many families, the presence of "helicopter grandparents" can be an advantage, especially in multi-generational households.

After a wildfire destroyed their home, Lexi Montee Busch and her husband in Los Angeles moved in with her parents. She quickly realized the immense benefits of having 24/7 grandparental support. Her father, a pediatrician, helped her thoroughly resolve a situation where her four-year-old daughter lied about eating candy, drawing on his medical expertise.

"Instead of feeling overwhelmed, I feel grateful for my parents", Busch shared.

Ngoc Ngan (Source: NY Post)