The invisible pressure on eldest daughters to act as "second mothers" often leads to exhaustion and a feeling of being different from their peers. This burden frequently drives them to seek communities like the Eldest Daughter Club, where they can share experiences and learn to prioritize themselves.

Gigi Robinson, 27, always felt this distinction. From childhood, she mediated arguments, remembered birthdays, and managed the emotions of every family member. As an adult, this instinct followed her into the boardroom, where Robinson consistently anticipated risks and proactively advanced tasks before being asked.

Similarly, Tsao-Lin Moy, 61, vividly remembers the feeling of a child forced to grow up too soon. "I don't recall having any fun," she recounted. "There was so much pressure to perform well and set an example for my younger siblings." For these women, the role of "eldest daughter" often feels like a full-time, unpaid job with no days off.

Sherri Lu, founder of the "Eldest Daughter Club". Photo: New York Post

In 2022, Sherri Lu, a woman in Manhattan, US, recognized a lack of in-depth analysis regarding the emotional toll on eldest daughters. Motivated by a desire to find others who shared her experiences, Lu founded the Eldest Daughter Club.

Beginning with social media videos discussing the "eldest daughter curse", this movement quickly became a source of emotional support for thousands of women globally. With a regular newsletter boasting over 6,300 subscribers and monthly meetings, the club provides a space for women to share experiences they had never before expressed. Many members report beginning to learn how to set boundaries with family members and make their own life decisions without guilt.

Lu's club regularly organizes in-person and online events to spark conversations among eldest daughters and help them connect. Photo: New York Post

Doctor Ashwini Nadkarni, a psychiatrist at Harvard Medical School, stated that this phenomenon is common. The responsibilities borne by eldest daughters are a double-edged sword: they hone leadership skills but also reinforce extreme perfectionism and the habit of suppressing personal needs.

Research from the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) indicates that first-born daughters in families that have experienced financial or psychological hardship often develop a higher-than-normal sense of responsibility at a very young age.

To break free from these responsibilities, experts encourage women to seek out empathetic communities to eliminate feelings of isolation. More importantly, each individual needs to set boundaries and understand that prioritizing personal needs is not selfishness. Instead of acting as an "extension" of their parents' roles, eldest daughters need to be empowered to rediscover their own identity and enjoy life.

By Nhat Minh (Source: New York Post)