According to the General Statistics Office, Vietnam's current sex ratio at birth is approximately 111,4 boys per 100 girls. Demographers project an excess of about 1,5 million men by 2034 and 2,5 million 25 years later. These figures highlight the growing challenge for Vietnamese men to find a life partner.

Beyond the gender imbalance, Thuy Chi, a representative of a dating service in Hanoi, and Hoang Diep, founder of a matchmaking center in Ho Chi Minh City, have worked with thousands of singles. They observe that men who struggle to marry often work in closed professions like information technology, engineering, or research. These men tend to invest little in their emotional lives and face three main barriers.

Men and women participate in a dating event in Ho Chi Minh City in 2025. *Photo: Clique83*

The first barrier is a lack of dating skills. Many lose points on a first date due to wrinkled clothes, sandals, or long fingernails. Hoang Diep notes that men often smoke or bring up controversial topics like politics or money on dates. They also make common mistakes like criticizing ex-partners or lacking preparation. These behaviors can prompt a partner to decide not to meet again after the initial encounter.

Matchmaker Thuy Chi recounted assisting a male client born in 1983. Despite his stable income, he failed after more than 10 arranged dates because of his awkward communication. After receiving coaching on social etiquette, he is now married with two children. Another male client shared stories of declaring bankruptcy four times and family conflicts on his very first date, leading his date to refuse a second meeting.

"On a first date, prioritize sharing positive things, as no one wants to receive negative energy right away," Thuy Chi advised.

The second barrier involves misaligned standards. A male client in Hanoi, a Generation 8X (born in the 1980s), 1,62 m tall, required a girlfriend over 1,60 m tall, from a city, with civil servant parents, working as a doctor or in banking, and possessing "beautiful looks and a sophisticated aura." After 10 unsuccessful meetings, he refused to lower his standards, believing his appearance justified them.

"Insisting on rigid criteria for appearance or family background limits one's opportunities, causing them to miss suitable partners for a long-term relationship," the matchmaker stated.

In Ho Chi Minh City, Hoang Diep once assisted a director born in 1983 who sought a Generation 9X woman (born in the 1990s). After one year without success, he relaxed his age criteria and married a Generation 8X woman with compatible life values.

Hoang Diep also points out that women are increasingly financially independent. Their economic expectations and demands for shared household chores also pressure men.

The third barrier is a slow pace of personal change. Many men working in engineering or IT have stable incomes but lead secluded lives, spending free time on computers, games, or personal hobbies. Some live with parents and do little housework. In contrast, women of the same age tend to invest in education, appearance, and mental health.

When financial status and social standing are similar, the gap between genders often lies in their readiness for shared life. A person might earn a lot of money but still not be prepared to share household chores, manage emotions, listen to a partner, or dedicate time to family. As marriage is increasingly viewed as an equal partnership, these shortcomings become disadvantages.

How to increase your chances of finding a partner:

For men over 30 seeking a serious relationship, experts suggest beginning with practical changes:

- Realistic self-assessment: Objectively assess appearance, income, personality, and lifestyle; prioritize kindness, compatibility, and equality over a perfect list of criteria.

- Expand social circles: Those in closed environments should actively engage in sports, travel, community activities, or reputable dating platforms to increase meeting opportunities.

- Develop connection and cohabitation skills: Care for appearance, communication skills on first dates, and prepare psychologically to share household chores, manage emotions, and family responsibilities.

- Update views on marriage: Instead of asking if a partner meets all your standards, consider if you share life values and can build a long-term life together.

Phan Duong