At a kindergarten's annual parent-teacher meeting, Dr. Vanessa LoBue, a psychology professor at Rutgers-Newark University, US, once witnessed an amusing yet awkward situation. When teachers praised the children for being well-behaved and self-disciplined, many parents expressed surprise, finding it hard to believe their own children "could be so wonderful."

The contrasting behavior of children at home is a concern for many parents. However, from a psychological perspective, this phenomenon holds significant positive meaning.

Image: Ecccgallatin.

Experts often refer to psychologist Mary Ainsworth's classic research on "Attachment Theory" to explain this. Through observational behavior experiments, she found that children with "secure attachment" often view their parents as their most reliable support. When with trusted individuals, children feel safe enough to express their full range of genuine emotions, including negative feelings like anger, frustration, or fatigue.

In other words, children choose to release their pent-up emotions with their parents because they know they will always be loved and accepted, regardless of how they behave.

In contrast to the comfort they feel at home, children tend to be more cautious and self-controlled in new environments or with strangers. This emotional restraint helps them quickly adapt to social rules. Consequently, at school or a friend's house, children often try to behave appropriately, say "thank you", put away their toys, and obey adults to receive praise.

This behavior mirrors adult psychology. We often maintain a polite, professional image with colleagues but are more likely to reveal irritability and fatigue to our closest loved ones after a long day at work.

Many parents often blame themselves for perceived poor parenting when their child acts defiantly. However, experts emphasize that children expressing strong emotions with parents is not a behavioral problem. Instead, it is evidence that the family is a peaceful haven where children can remove their "mask" of good behavior and truly be themselves.

"Instead of feeling stressed when your child is defiant at home, parents should smile, as it is a privilege of the deep love and attachment you have given them," shared Dr. Vanessa LoBue.

By Nhat Minh (According to Psychology Today)