For over half a year, Yen (30, Hanoi) and her husband have been sleeping separately. Each time she initiated physical contact, he would turn his back to the edge of the bed, pull the blanket up to his chest, and cite exhaustion from work. Suspecting her husband of infidelity, arguments became frequent.

After numerous evasions, the husband admitted: "Every time we get intimate, the image of my wife in pain and covered in blood in the delivery room reappears, making me feel cold and lose all interest."

Six months prior, Yen had asked her husband to join her in the delivery room to "share the sacred moment and understand women's pain." However, directly witnessing medical procedures involving sensitive areas, along with his wife's screams, proved too much for him. He began experiencing frequent nightmares, waking up startled in the middle of the night. Yen then realized her decision to have her husband in the delivery room had unintentionally pushed their marriage into a deadlock.

The situation experienced by Yen's husband is not isolated. Doctor Nguyen Van Duc, from the Urology and Andrology Department at Xanh Pon General Hospital, stated that the decrease in libido among fathers after witnessing childbirth is a form of post-traumatic psychological inhibition, not stemming from a physical pathology of the reproductive system.

"Witnessing images of episiotomy, bleeding, or deep medical interventions on the wife's body creates a negative associative reflex. The male brain unconsciously links sexual behavior with feelings of pain and fear," Doctor Duc explained.

Research by the Birth Trauma Association in the UK indicates that about 1% to 5% of husbands suffer from anxiety disorders after being present in the delivery room with their wives; this rate can rise to 7-9% in the first weeks postpartum. A medical survey in Japan also reported that 50% of men experience varying degrees of psychological stress after witnessing the entire childbirth process.

A man faints while in the operating room with his wife. Photo: Provided by doctor

A report in the Journal of Reproductive and Infant Psychology emphasizes that men who directly observe delivery procedures are at a significantly higher risk of experiencing hallucinations and flashbacks compared to those who only stand at the head of the bed, holding their wives' hands for emotional support.

Beyond long-term psychological effects, many cases involve men fainting on the spot, disrupting the delivery process. Doctor Nguyen Bien Thuy from Hanoi Obstetrics and Gynecology Hospital recounted a C-section at 38 weeks of pregnancy. The surgery proceeded smoothly, but as soon as the baby cried, the husband standing nearby suddenly collapsed onto the floor. The surgical team, having just completed the intervention for the mother, immediately shifted to providing resuscitation for the father.

"Many people have a low psychological tolerance; just seeing a surgical incision or umbilical cord blood can cause panic, a drop in blood pressure, and fainting," Doctor Thuy stated. According to the doctor, the hospital always supports family members accompanying patients to provide emotional support, but not every man possesses the "nerves of steel" required to be in the operating room.

Doctor Cao Tran Thanh Trung, a psychological expert, analyzed that the stereotype "men must be tough" prevents many from refusing their wives' requests and from revealing their fears after leaving the delivery room. When these feelings are not addressed, this traumatic reaction transforms into withdrawal, irritability, or seeking alcohol to avoid intimacy. If avoidance persists for over one month, accompanied by chronic insomnia, men need specialized psychological intervention to prevent marital breakdown.

To prevent unnecessary psychological consequences, experts advise couples to prepare thoroughly instead of viewing presence in the delivery room as a trend to prove love. Husbands who lack the courage to see blood can choose to support their wives from a distance, or family members like the mother or mother-in-law can step in.

If a husband enters the delivery room, he must strictly adhere to his designated position: standing only at the head of the bed, holding hands, assisting with breathing, and providing emotional encouragement to his wife; he must not move to the doctor's working area to directly observe medical interventions.

After the doctor clearly explained the psychological root cause, Yen stopped tormenting her husband and accompanied him to a psychotherapist. "I used to think that witnessing childbirth would make my husband love me more. But forcing someone who fears blood into an operating room is not a way to share, but a risk to family happiness," she stated.

Thuy An