Clinical psychologist Dr. Becky Kennedy (US) states that effective parenting is not measured by a child's absolute obedience, but rather by five specific situations.

When overwhelmed by emotions, children often use strong language to express frustration. A child articulating "I hate you!" rather than suppressing their feelings, indicates they perceive their family as a safe space to reveal their inner thoughts. Conversely, one child fearing parental reactions will often choose silence and withdrawal.

When asked to turn off the television or stop playing games, a child's expression of displeasure is more valuable than silent obedience driven by fear. This anger demonstrates a child's trust in their relationship with parents, allowing them to confront moments of conflict. Through this, children learn to advocate for their opinions and endure disappointment.

Illustrative photo: Pexels

Whether the mistake is breaking a vase or a more significant transgression, a child's voluntary confession signifies a family's success. This indicates parents have built trust, helping their child understand that making mistakes is normal and can be corrected. Instead of creating a perfect child, parents are raising an honest individual.

Dr. Becky Kennedy explains this is not disrespect, but a form of communication when a child feels isolated in their thoughts. The statement "You don't understand anything!" carries the hope that parents will strive to understand them better. When parents listen, the child's harsh attitude dissipates as their need for understanding is met.

Many adults feel uncomfortable when their child criticizes a gift they prepared. However, from a psychological perspective, this shows a child is comfortable expressing honesty, without needing to pretend to please others. This is an opportunity for parents to teach children how to be honest while maintaining politeness, rather than forcing them to feign gratitude.

To maintain connection when children exhibit these behaviors, parents can apply four principles:

Accept emotions, stop behavior: Parents can say, "I know you're sad, but I won't allow you to throw objects".

Offer alternatives: Guide children on how to release anger, such as punching a pillow, going to their room, or taking deep breaths.

Do not dismiss emotions: Instead of forcing a child to stop crying, parents can say, "I see you're angry, and this is how we handle it".

Model calmness: Parents can inform children when they are frustrated and demonstrate emotional control before starting a dialogue.

The goal of parenting is to build an environment where children feel their emotions are respected and they are safe to be themselves.

Nhat Minh (According to Goodhousekeeping)