The crisis often stems from wives feeling stifled by their husbands' constant presence at home. Men, lacking social connections, may assume their wives will cater to all their daily needs.
This accumulation of arguments and resentment is what experts call "retired husband syndrome" (RHS). Women experiencing this syndrome often exhibit insomnia, depression, and anxiety. In Japan, approximately 60% of women report these symptoms when their partners stop working.
Consequently, there is a sharp increase in "silver splitters"—divorces in later life. Data from the US Census Bureau shows that the divorce rate for individuals over 60 has risen by 75% in the last 20 years. About one-third of middle-aged women claim they are "happier than ever" after divorce. However, two-thirds of the remaining women do not find joy after separation. Therefore, experts advise couples to carefully consider solutions before pursuing legal action.
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Illustration: lives-nccr.ch |
Why does retirement trigger a crisis?
British divorce lawyer Liz Fletcher notes that retirement is akin to a loss. For men, it marks the end of a working life tied to their identity and purpose. Losing their work rhythm, they often feel adrift and may project this confusion onto their family environment.
Expert Joanna Harrison notes that if a husband transitions from a busy work life to a routine of simply watching TV and neglecting household chores, the lifestyle his wife has meticulously built over time can be threatened. Constant interaction in a confined space can easily lead to subtle power struggles.
Misaligned plans are also a contributing factor. "One person might want to travel, while the other prefers to stay close to their children and grandchildren. Or the wife still wants to work while the husband expects both to relax", explains Harrison, author of a book on marital therapy.
Additionally, declining income can exacerbate financial disagreements. Retirement also exposes a lack of emotional or physical connection between spouses, issues that were often hidden for years by busy schedules.
How to save the marriage?
Instead of rushing to file for divorce, experts advise couples to adopt the following steps to adapt to this new phase:
View the seriousness with understanding: Avoid sarcastically calling your husband "the second child" in the house. Ridicule only increases resentment when he is genuinely facing psychological difficulties adapting to a new rhythm of life.
Be honest and compromise: Clearly communicate your feelings and expectations, including anxieties about finances or old age. If one partner wants to travel the world while the other does not, learn to compromise so both have their own space.
Maintain independence: Husbands should seek new hobbies, join clubs, or volunteer to avoid becoming entirely dependent on their wives. Having individual pursuits allows both partners to gain fresh experiences to share each evening.
Abandon imposing habits: A former "big boss" needs to understand that a family is not a company where orders are given. Transform that managerial energy into cooperation, working with your wife to build common goals for your later years.
Nhat Minh (According to Dailymail)
