"It's painful when the person who terrifies you is your own child", the mother said.
Two years ago, Anne and her husband were forced to flee their old home after a horrifying incident. That day, a furious pounding on the door shattered their peace. Through the frosted glass, she recognized Adam, her 21-year-old eldest son, brandishing a knife and threatening to break in.
While her husband, James, called the police, Anne trembled as she tried to lock the door. She shouted a warning to her daughter upstairs, then barricaded herself in the living room, using a sofa to block the entrance.
When she pleaded with Adam to let her go to her daughter, he coldly replied, "Don't move, or I will stab you to death". In that moment, Anne thought she wouldn't survive.
Adam was subsequently arrested and prosecuted. The day her son went to prison, Anne felt safe for the first time in years. However, this relief was accompanied by the heavy guilt of a mother who had put her child behind bars.
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Illustration: iPleader |
Anne's tragedy also highlights a significant concern for authorities. A report investigating femicide in England revealed that among approximately 2,000 victims over the past 15 years, over 170 mothers were killed by their own sons. This figure serves as a stark warning about a frequently overlooked form of domestic violence: child-on-parent abuse.
This reality previously shocked the British public. In 8/2021, Jake Davison, 22, murdered his mother before fatally shooting 4 other people in Plymouth. Police described it as a tragedy that "started at home and spilled out into the streets".
Professor Rachel Condry of Oxford University refers to these parents as "paradoxical victims". They endure violence while society implicitly holds them responsible for their children's problematic behavior.
"While society has become more open about spousal violence, child-on-parent violence remains a taboo. Many cannot accept that a mother would fear her own child", Professor Condry stated.
A 2022 report in London indicated that 40% of parents attacked by their children refused to report it to the police. They feared shame, blame, and their child acquiring a criminal record.
For Anne, the tragedy began with Adam's psychological changes after the birth of her second child. The boy started abusing his younger sister with cruel acts, such as squeezing dish soap into her mouth. The subsequent incident of Adam being sexually abused further exacerbated his aggression.
"I lived in my own home as if it were a prison. My child controlled everything", Anne recalled. To protect her daughter, she was forced to send Adam to live with foster parents when he was 13. The fear subsided temporarily, but was replaced by a profound sense of failure.
According to Professor Amanda Holt, a criminology expert, social services often view parents as "default protectors" rather than victims needing protection. Data indicates that mothers face a higher risk of being killed by their children than by strangers. However, the causes are not solely due to mental illness. A survey revealed that 77% of children exhibiting reverse violence (child-on-parent abuse) had no prior history of abuse or psychological trauma.
Despite moving and Adam serving his sentence, Anne has never slept soundly. She fears the day her son will be released.
"It's an agonizing dilemma. You still love your child, but at the same time, you're terrified of them", the mother confessed.
Nhat Minh (According to FT)
