Nathanael Fletcher, a 29-year-old software engineer in the US, once had to use a tape measure to prove to a woman he met online that he was indeed 5 feet 11 inches tall, as stated on his profile. Despite several dates, she remained skeptical.
"Are you really 5'11? Can you prove it?", she asked directly.
Fletcher's experience isn't unique. It reflects the obsession with height on dating apps, where many women set their sights on partners 6 feet or taller. A former Bumble executive revealed that most women on the platform set a minimum height of 6 feet. The trend of seeking a "6'4 finance bro" on TikTok further reinforces this notion.
"Six feet is seen as a status symbol", says Lana Li, a writer specializing in dating data.
As a result, height filters on apps like Hinge and Tinder transform personal preferences into systemic barriers. Men under 6 feet, especially those around 5'11, feel unfairly treated. On Reddit, one user shared that changing his height from 6'1 to 6 feet resulted in a significant increase in matches.
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Many men under 6 feet on dating apps are often excluded from potential matches due to not meeting the 6-foot standard and are suspected of misrepresenting their height. Photo: Freepik |
Many men under 6 feet on dating apps are often excluded from potential matches due to not meeting the 6-foot standard and are suspected of misrepresenting their height. Photo: Freepik
This creates a vicious cycle: men exaggerate their height to avoid being filtered out, while women set even higher filters, assuming everyone is lying.
Steve Dean, an online dating consultant, believes the system implicitly encourages dishonesty. "Lying about an inch or two isn't going to be a big deal with 95% of the people you meet. So, there's not a huge penalty for doing it", he says.
Men who are honest about their height, especially those just shy of 6 feet, face an uphill battle. "It's a catch-22. If you don't lie, you're underselling yourself when everyone else is inflating", says 38-year-old Jesse Nelson, who is 5'11.
Nelson recalls that before dating apps, height was less of a factor. He considers the 6-foot standard an arbitrary measure in the US, noting that in countries using the metric system, the coveted height is 1.8 meters (5'11).
22-year-old student Ian McCann feels the algorithm is working against him, encountering increasingly unreasonable demands like "must be over 6'4". He compares dating apps to customizing a Big Mac, where people strive for an unrealistic ideal.
Despite the disadvantages, many are finding ways to cope. Jesse Nelson has been in a happy relationship for over two years after investing in his profile, including hiring a professional photographer.
As for Fletcher, after an engagement and subsequent breakup with someone he met online, he decided to quit apps altogether. "The height filter wasn't the only reason, but it exacerbated a system that already preys on men's insecurities", he says.
Minh Phuong (Via GQ)
