Outwardly, Elodie's marriage, at 40, appeared quite normal. She and her husband were busy raising their two young children, and life flowed steadily. However, internally, she had silently given up on the relationship.

"I no longer recognize the person I once loved", Elodie said.

The change began after they had children. Elodie stated she took on most household chores and became the primary financial provider. Matters worsened when a relative passed away. Her husband became withdrawn, refused to express emotions, often remaining silent or becoming angry, forcing Elodie to always be cautious.

Elodie initiated reconciliation multiple times but was consistently rejected. After their second child, her husband no longer desired intimacy with her. Despite her attempts to communicate, he always cited fatigue. After numerous unsuccessful efforts, she decided to stop trying, shifting her attention to herself, her children, and other relationships.

"I no longer sleep in the same bed and do not make plans for us as a couple. Essentially, I am living like a single mother", she stated.

Illustration: Pavel Danilyuk

Doctor Cassandra Shields, a clinical psychologist, refers to this situation as an "exhausted pursuer". This phenomenon occurs when one person continuously expends energy to change or maintain a relationship without results. Instead of divorcing, they gradually withdraw emotionally.

According to Doctor Shields, silently abandoning a marriage often emerges after major life transitions such as childbirth, entering perimenopause, or retirement. When one person bears a greater burden without their partner's support, they tend to develop a mindset of giving up.

Vera, 28, faced a similar situation since becoming a mother. After a difficult birth, she needed support, but her partner was not proactive. She repeatedly had to ask for help with cooking, cleaning, and childcare. The distance grew further when Vera's father passed away, and she could only return home for a few days. At that time, she was caring for a small child and was the sole earner because her husband had lost his job.

"I no longer have the strength to continue connecting or reconciling the relationship", Vera recounted. She expressed concern about the family model they were creating for their daughter, who once questioned why her father only sat on the sofa while her mother did all the housework.

According to Doctor Shields, a healthy relationship requires three elements: accessibility, responsiveness to needs, and emotional engagement. Those who have "silently divorced" often no longer maintain these three elements.

However, ending the relationship is not easy due to cultural, religious, and financial barriers. Elodie stated she has not separated yet because she is waiting to become financially stable. Vera also chose to stay for similar reasons. She views her current marriage as a friendship.

"I hope that in a few years, we can co-parent even if we live in two different places. There is still affection between us, but I cannot continue", Vera said.

By Nhat Minh (According to ABC News)