Today, the concept of infidelity is increasingly understood in broader terms, extending beyond physical relationships to include emotional connections outside marriage. The evolution of transportation methods, smartphones, the internet, and open learning and working environments has created more opportunities for extramarital affairs to arise.

While many believe they fully grasp the nature of betrayal, numerous misconceptions surrounding this issue persist. Below are six common mistakes about infidelity identified by Doctor Marty Klein.

Your partner's vigilance can prevent infidelity

Many believe the risk of infidelity decreases in a happy marriage with a fulfilling sex life and frequent communication. However, no formula guarantees absolute fidelity.

To seek a sense of security, some choose to control their partner by checking phones, messages, emails, call histories, or tracking their location. Others establish strict rules, such as prohibiting private meetings with people of the opposite sex or demanding checks at any time.

According to the expert, these measures rarely deter someone already intent on betrayal. If a person wants to deceive, they will find a way. Even if such control prevents the act of infidelity, the price can be a suffocating marriage devoid of trust.

Infidelity always stems from sexual desire

Undeniably, sexual desire or the allure of novelty are common causes of infidelity, but they are not the only ones.

Many individuals seek outside relationships because they crave attention, to be heard, understood, or to affirm their self-worth. Others act out of loneliness, anger, a longing for affection, or a desire to prove their attractiveness.

Many admit they did not actively seek an extramarital relationship but could not resist when an opportunity presented itself.

This is why many betrayed partners are surprised to learn that "the other person" is not necessarily younger, prettier, or more successful than them. What the partner seeks is sometimes just a feeling of being valued and emotionally connected.

Illustration: *Thebump.com*

The partner cheats due to "sex addiction"

Some who repeatedly engage in infidelity may be dealing with underlying psychological issues such as depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, or certain personality disorders. In such cases, infidelity becomes a way for them to escape life's stresses.

However, Doctor Klein suggests that labeling oneself or a partner as "sex addicted" often misrepresents the true nature of the problem.

He states that addiction is a state where a person loses control over their behavior, similar to substance addiction. In contrast, many individuals who repeatedly cheat are still making conscious choices, even if those choices are flawed.

Labeling infidelity as "sex addiction" can sometimes be a way to evade responsibility for one's actions and their resulting consequences.

Should you confess when you cheat?

If one confesses solely to alleviate guilt after an extramarital relationship has ended, it can unknowingly shift the entire burden of pain onto the partner.

Conversely, if infidelity has been discovered or is at risk of being discovered, honesty is essential. Successive lies only further erode trust and diminish the chances of reconciliation.

According to the expert, in some instances, openly sharing temptations or the risk of infidelity can serve as a warning sign for both partners to re-evaluate their relationship before it is too late.

"Once a cheater, always a cheater"

Studies indicate that individuals who have cheated have a higher risk of reoffending compared to those who have never betrayed their partner. However, this does not mean everyone will repeat their mistakes.

During therapy, Doctor Klein encountered many people who were genuinely devastated when their infidelity was exposed. Witnessing their partner's pain and experiencing self-shame prompted them to seriously re-evaluate themselves.

Through therapy, self-awareness, or significant life events, many have changed their perspectives on love, commitment, and responsibility. They can rebuild a stronger marriage if both partners make an effort.

Marriage cannot be saved after betrayal

If this were always true, marriage would be too risky a gamble, and the field of marriage counseling would have little reason to exist.

According to Doctor Klein, after infidelity is discovered, couples typically move in two different directions.

In the first direction, they remain together due to children, family pressure, financial concerns, or social stigma. The wounds persist but remain unhealed. Their shared life continues in a state of disconnection and resentment.

In the second direction, both partners accept the reality, explore the deep-seated causes of the breakdown, and learn to communicate anew. They collaboratively define new expectations for the relationship and rebuild trust step-by-step.

This path demands considerable time, patience, and effort from both sides. But for some couples, a crisis can become a turning point, helping them understand each other better and forge a more mature, connected marriage than before.

Nhat Minh (According to Psychology Today)