At 23 years old, she was forbidden from moving out unless married. Her mother wanted Suzanne to stay home and learn homemaking, while her father pressured her to get a teaching certificate just to homeschool her future children instead of sending them to school. Her mail, phone calls, and relationships were all closely monitored.
Two years after graduating, exhaustion led Suzanne to a bold decision. One afternoon, while her parents were at work, she called friends for help, packed her belongings, and quietly left. For the next 18 months, she cut off all contact with her family. "I have never regretted it; I only regret not doing it sooner," said Suzanne, now 44 years old.
An increasing number of adults in the United States are choosing "no contact" with their parents after enduring prolonged pressure or toxic control.
A study by Cornell University in the U.S. found that about 27% of Americans aged 18 and older are estranged from at least one family member. Another 2023 YouGov survey revealed a similar trend: one in four Americans no longer speaks with a relative, with 12% estranged from their father and 11% from their mother.
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Illustrative photo: Metro |
Cheryl Groskopf, a psychotherapist in Los Angeles, states that this phenomenon is not random. "No one abruptly stops caring about their family. It is a result of them realizing there is no reason to continue accepting prolonged emotional abuse," she explained.
According to experts, a significant shift in the younger generation's perception is the primary cause. While previous generations often endured difficult situations to maintain "harmony", Gen Z and Millennials now tend to ask themselves: "Is this relationship truly good for me?"
The widespread availability of mental health knowledge helps young people identify their negative experiences. Terms like "gaslighting", "emotional neglect", and "setting boundaries" have become tools for them to recognize harmful behaviors disguised as love.
"When love comes with conditions, it hurts as much as abuse," Groskopf noted. Behaviors such as criticism masked as concern, or parents only being satisfied when their children follow their wishes, are likened to small but repetitive "cuts" that ultimately lead to a breakdown.
For Suzanne, the initial 18 months of silence were not the end. She tried to reconnect multiple times without success. The final straw came on her 40th birthday, when her mother gave her an old, worn-out gift and insisted she open it in front of everyone. That disrespectful act made her realize her parents had never truly changed. In 2021, she decided to cut ties completely.
However, experts suggest that "no contact" is not necessarily permanent. Some individuals view it as a temporary break for healing. Therapist Groskopf advises adults to seek out "chosen families" – close, understanding friends – to serve as emotional support.
Before considering re-establishing contact, each person needs to ask themselves: Have the parents acknowledged the harm they caused? Have they truly changed? And most importantly, do you feel safe returning?
"This decision is difficult to accept, but it also brings a complete sense of liberation," Suzanne said about her current life.
Ngoc Ngan (According to RD)
