In the therapy room of Doctor Jett Stone (US), a construction business owner confessed his constant obsession with financial collapse, despite his business remaining stable. When his wife reassured him, he only responded with an uneasy look. For him, as for millions of other fathers, self-worth seems tied to bank account balances. If they cannot provide sufficiently, they label themselves as "failures".
Doctor Sebastian Ocklenburg (Germany) calls this a "system of constant vigilance". It is not just about paying bills each month, but a hidden late-night battle to review budgets, an anxiety about competitors even in sleep.
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Illustration: Pexels
The invisible contract
Recent polls from Equimundo, the US Center for Men and Social Justice, reveal a sobering reality: 86% of men and 77% of women still assume men are the primary "pillars" in the family. Furthermore, an earlier Pew survey showed that 41% consider financial provision the ultimate responsibility of a father, while this expectation for mothers is only 25%.
These figures create an invisible contract: Men must be the ultimate economic shield. This excessive vigilance erodes empathy. When financial stability wavers, fathers easily become distracted, no longer having the presence of mind to look their children in the eye when they show off a new drawing, or to notice their wife's fatigue.
Clearing the name of "toxic masculinity"
Society often attributes men's stoicism or aloofness to "toxicity". However, the latest research by Hill Cone and colleagues (published in early 2026) in the journal Psychology of Men & Masculinities revealed a different truth. Only about 10% of men surveyed truly exhibited "toxic" traits (such as misogyny, desire for dominance); the remaining 90% are ordinary men striving to live responsibly.
The fear of this majority group does not erupt into violence but transforms into persistent back pain, withdrawal, or working to exhaustion. Instead of sharing, fathers often choose to silently endure what Doctor Stone calls an "existential burden".
Releasing the pressure
According to psychologists, a husband admitting to his wife that he is "afraid of decline" is not a sign of weakness, but a turning point to shed a heavy armor.
To alleviate this burden, a wife's companionship is key. Here are some suggested solutions:
Open finances: Let the wife step into the financial picture, sharing savings spreadsheets and risks. Your partner's understanding is the best remedy for a man's loneliness.
Redefine value: A father's identity is not in his wallet, but in his presence and connection with his children.
Share responsibilities: When both partners share economic and household duties, the trap of "role specialization" is dismantled, allowing men to live authentically with their emotions.
Nhat Minh (According to Psychology Today)
