At 7 p.m., after a tiring day at work, Deborah had just walked into her home when her husband asked, "What's for dinner tonight?" The combined shouts of her three children made her turn around and drive away for two hours.

That night in 2019 became a turning point, helping Deborah realize she needed to stop pursuing perfection. She began to apply a rule: only put in her best effort 70% of the time and let go for the remaining 30%.

Illustration: Pexels

Previously, Deborah Joseph, former editor-in-chief of Glamour magazine (US), always strived to manage everything perfectly. "I was raised to be good and successful at everything. As a result, I felt unsuccessful at anything", she shared.

For Deborah, cutting back by 30% meant accepting imperfection. She hired additional childcare when her children were just two, 4, and 6 years old. Her husband shared the mental load, joining parent chat groups at school and handling household chores.

As her children entered their teenage years, Deborah chose to skip unnecessary battles. She stopped nagging about their outfits or messy rooms. "Just close the room door, and it's done. I focus on ensuring they eat healthily and spend quality time with them", the mother of three children said.

The "70/30 parenting" or "70% parenting" method is gaining support from many experts. Sarah Ockwell-Smith, a well-known parenting author, argues that parents being perfect all the time is an unrealistic role model. "Children will never learn how to make mistakes or apologize if their parents are always right", she said.

Sharing this view, psychotherapist Julia Goodall (UK) believes it is important for children to see that parents also make mistakes. When parents make errors and then resolve the issue with self-compassion, it helps children build confidence that they too can make mistakes and still be okay.

In fact, many studies show that the expectation of "doing it right" can be lower than 70%. According to Julia, for children to feel secure, parents only need to respond appropriately to their children's cues 30% of the time.

Currently, Deborah feels happy with her choice. She does not allow external pressures to judge the 30% she lets go of.

"It's a personal decision for every woman. If you are not mentally healthy, you cannot be the best mother for your children", Deborah asserted.

Nhat Minh (According to Metro)